Does It "Pay" to be an Illegal?

Just received this from a business associate

Dear Senator Boxer:

As a native U.S. citizen and Californian, and long time customer of our Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Immigration and Naturalization Service in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.

My reasons for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stem from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions are accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, I only need to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years.

I recognize a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone else in the U.S. figures it out. Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have paid taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine.

Is there a way I can apply to be an illegal retroactively? This would yield excellent results for me and my family. We paid pretty heavy taxes every year from 2000 thru 2005.

Another benefit in gaining an illegal status would be that our children would receive preferential treatment relative to their college/university applications and tuition.

If you would provide me with an outline of the process needed to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of all the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.

Your Loyal Constituent,